abwsvt anthology
@goingsvtaus
note: i know i've recently finished an au, and is currently working on a new one, but these short stories/one-shots (or whatever you'd like to call it); i've started writing these for a long while now (and actually is still writing). and i don't just want it to be something stuck somewhere in my laptop, so i decided to share it (and also so that i'd finally have something to push me to finish the whole series/anthology (i really don't know how to call it rip).
anyway!!! i was inspired by a joshua tweet i made (from my old account), but these turned out differently than i thought. read at your own risk. 🙈
p.s. please play the song rec while reading for more feels???
(there's gonna be a spotify playlist for the anthology, i'm gonna post it once everything is completed)
seungcheol
on track: ex (acoustic) - james tw
A friend’s party just finished and everyone’s going home. You’re already dead tired, and when friends tried to give you a lift, you refused, simply because you want to spend some time alone after being in the crowd for hours.
You were already walking until you entered a bar out of impulse.
Lol, what’s the spending time alone though?
Having felt the need to drink, maybe. But you know you’ll regret it later because you have no one to look after you, knowing the fact that you’re the type to go overboard at drinking sometimes.
Going straight to the counter, you immediately order a drink as you were looking around the bar. You feel like someone’s calling you earlier, but as you observed the place, you realize you really don't know anyone from here. "Maybe it's just the loud music," you tell yourself.
You’re on your third shot when someone tapped your shoulder. You turned your head around and saw Soonyoung.
“It is you,” he said in realization.
It was kinda rude but you just gave him a smile and continued drinking. You didn’t even say hi or bothered to wave your hand.
You turned around again and Soonyoung was still standing there. “Hey, do you need something?" you asked him.
He was trying to say something but you really can't hear anything so you ended up yelling at him, "I’m just gonna go to the restroom. I’m gonna be back in a sec.”
Your friend was still saying something but you still can’t hear him nor can you read his lips so you just nodded to whatever he was telling you and left.
The way to the restroom was kinda crowded so you had a hard time squeezing yourself in between random people just to get to where you’re going.
When you were finally away from the crowd, you hurry yourself up, accidentally bumping into someone.
You were about to say sorry, but when you looked up to see who it was, it seemed like you’ve lost your words.
“Hey,” he greeted. It was Seungcheol.
Of course, he’s here. Why didn’t I assume when I saw Soonyoung?
“Hey,” you say, forcing a smile.
He wasn’t saying anything so you excused yourself. “Sorry, but I need to go to the bathroom.”
As you immediately reached the bathroom, you slammed the door shut... regretting the decision of going to the bar tonight.
If only you could hide in the restroom forever, you would. But of course, you brought yourself into this situation.
“Just…pretend like nothing happened," you tell yourself, facing your reflection in the mirror.
Heaving a deep sigh, you open the door hoping loud crowd and music would greet you.
But no. There was Seungcheol, leaning by the wall, waiting for you. You should’ve expected this, knowing he’s not gonna let you slip away again the last time you talked.
Well, he never had the plans of letting you slip away. You were the one who let go instead.
Dismissing that thought, you held your head high and walked as if you didn’t see him.
Seungcheol being Seungcheol, he grabbed your arm. “Can we talk?”
“I’m leaving in a few minutes, this better be important,” you tell him with a straight face, but deep inside you know you're already crumbling.
He grabs you away and leads you to the mezzanine where you see where most of his (and your) friends are. They waved at you in silence and you just gave them a small smile.
“So…” Cheol trails.
You know he’s looking at you, trying to find your eyes but you avoid his gaze. You know you’ll break down once you look at his eyes.
“How are you doing?” he asks.
You kind of expected him to ask about your breakup or try to persuade you about getting back together, but no. He didn’t. Instead, he asked you about yourself. About your freaking life.
You felt selfish and guilty all of a sudden.
How could I let this man go?
And you feel more guilty at the thought of leaving him as you think of an answer to his question, or even bothering to ask him how he's doing.
Seungcheol sighs in defeat and says, “It’s okay. I understand.” And you were quite taken aback by the fact that he didn’t demand for an answer or anything.
It was so unlike him.
Choi Seungcheol was the type who would demand for an explanation or an answer. But he didn’t.
You’ve been asking yourself what’s up for the past minute but you know ‘what’s up.’
What's up is that you broke up with Seungcheol a month ago, and you’re acting like the person who didn’t. And it’s eating you up.
You hear him sigh again as he stood up and went to the bar counter alone.
A few minutes later, his friends approached you and invited you to party and enjoy the night instead.
“You should forget everything tonight!” Seungkwan shouts, trying to cheer you up.
You look at Seungcheol by the counter, taking shot after shot.
“I guess I should,” you reply.
And you let yourself, for once.
--
You open your eyes and one thing for sure, you’re being piggybacked by none other than Cheol. And you don’t know why.
“Are you awake?” he asked.
“Hmm,” you try to answer.
“Oh, God. Thank you. I’ve been walking for hours around your neighborhood with you on my back.”
“You should’ve just brought me home!” you shout in his ears.
“God, stop shouting,” he tells you. “I’m putting you down now.”
You try to stand on your now bare feet but you fail because you’re too wasted, so Seungcheol supports you by your waist.
“Why didn’t you just leave me in front of my house instead if we’re already on my neighborhood?” you ask him.
“We both know your parents would kill us because I brought their child home drunk and alone,” he explained.
“Oh,” you mutter.
“OH!” you repeat with a louder tone, realizing what he just said.
“Where are my shoes?” you ask this time.
“It’s in my car, but I’ll have someone bring you that tomorrow,” Seungcheol answered.
You looked at him, with your eyebrows furrowed. The guy looks back and laughs. “Ya! You’re too scary when you’re drunk!”
“What did I do at the bar? My head’s starting to ache so bad,” you say.
“First off, I haven’t seen you drunk in a long while. Second, it’s either you’re a laughing dork or an angry bitch. There was no in between. I swear to God, you scared Chan hours ago!” he retells.
You gasp, just thinking about Chan being scared of you. “Oh my god. What did I do?!”
He laughs before answering. “You shouted to the kid about your broken laptop! I can’t believe you.”
You were so shocked that you did that to Chan, it’s as if you didn’t drink a single drop of alcohol tonight. “No way! Please tell him I’m sorry. Oh God.”
“He understood that you’re drunk. But okay, I’ll tell him.”
“What else did I do?” You kept muttering “oh my god” under your breath, embarrassment taking you over.
Then Seungcheol told you everything. From Jeonghan and Seungkwan pushing you playfully because you’re too weak to stand properly, rapping with Hansol in drunkenness, to belting out high notes with Seokmin whenever a sad song plays.
“I can’t believe you were that…wild,” he ends.
“Ha ha ha,” you fake laughed.
“Oh, I almost forgot. You still dance like the dork you are.”
You eye him and he wasn’t giving a goofy smile or anything. He was just looking at you.
“Hey. Thanks for taking care of me out there,” you tell him sincerely as you both stop in front of your house.
“That’s nothing. Who else would?”
You want to say something, but you can't form anything coherent.
“Go and rest, I’m sure it was a long day for you,” he tells you. You just nod and turn your back away from him.
“Thanks for being yourself tonight. I’ll miss it,” he added.
You stop to your tracks and turn to him.
“Thanks again for everything, Cheol. See you around,” you bid and gave him a smile.
“I’ll see you around for sure,” he says, and walks away.
jeonghan
on track: from the dining table - harry styles
“I’ve been texting him for the past hour,” you tell your friend over a phone call.
You were kinda irritated at the fact that you got dressed too early to find out that a person you’re meeting wouldn’t be able to come.
“You know what? I’m just gonna go out alone and enjoy my own company,” you tell your friend and hung up.
You sigh as you put on your shoes and gathered the important stuff in your bag that you can’t leave behind.
Phone? Check.
Keys? Check.
Wallet? Check.
Since the diner was just a few blocks away from where you live, you decided to walk, instead of hailing a cab. Also, you’re saving up for something, so it’s better to just really walk. it’s exercise anyway so, win-win situation. Kinda.
You reached your destination and the aroma of coffee welcomed you. What made you happier is that the place wasn’t that crowded yet so you’ll enjoy your own company even more.
Besides, you have gotten used to being alone since…
You sigh, slightly disappointed at yourself, having brought up that thought.
Dismissing that memory, you enter the diner and greeted the usual cashier in the area.
“How are you?” she asked, right after you tell her your usual order.
“I’m fine, kinda bummed no one’s with me, but I’m used to it anyway... so yeah,” you tell her and shrugged.
“Where’s Jeonghan? I rarely see him these days,” she followed up.
“Oh, yeah. Um, I think he’s busy,” you answered, hesitating if you have to tell her that you have broken up a few months ago.
“Is that so?” she replies as she hands you your change. “Sorry if I asked, it’s just that whenever I see you nowadays, he’s nowhere. And whenever he stops by, you’re not with him.”
Can’t you assume that we broke up?
You wanted to tell her that, but the thought of Jeonghan stopping by at the diner made you curious. You wanted to ask her about him but then she already gave your order’s number and told you that she’ll send your food to your table.
Waiting for your order, the thought of Jeonghan still stopping by this area bugged you. Sure, he likes the place because of the rustic vibe and all but what he can’t stand were the loud people who usually kill their time here.
The clock struck at 11 o’clock, which was the usual lunch break for people around the area so as seconds passed by, the diner was starting to fill up.
Your food was delivered to you a few minutes later and now, you enjoy the meal quietly while watching people pass by from outside and enter the restaurant.
A certain blonde, wearing specs suddenly caught your eye from across the street. At first, you didn’t notice who it was until he crossed the road and walked straight towards the diner.
“Blonde suits him,” you mentally say to yourself. “But when did he change his hair color though?”
As he entered the place, you kept your head low. You tell yourself that he isn’t gonna see you and that there’s no way in hell that he’ll dine in. Especially now that he’s alone.
“He’ll probably take his order home,” you converse with yourself internally.
You decided to take out the book in your bag to distract yourself by reading. But even before you can finish a page, you hear a familiar voice.
“You still haven’t finished that?”
You look up, and there he was; yoon jeonghan, looking fine as usual.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?” he asked.
Yes, I do mind. Go away.
“I don’t like taking a table upstairs, it’s too noisy up there,” he added. "Besides, I'm only waiting for my take-out order."
I don’t give a damn. I’m trying to enjoy my own company.
“Oh, not at all. Go ahead,” you ended up telling him, instead of what you had in mind.
Because who the heck refuses a Yoon Jeonghan? No one. Not even you, who got your heart broken by him.
You didn’t even refuse to have your heart broken by him. Falling for the guy in the first place was a heartbreak waiting to happen anyway.
He took the seat across you as he adjusted his glasses.
“You’re alone?” Jeonghan asked.
Isn’t it obvious?
You just nodded, your eyes still reading while taking a sip from your coffee.
“Where are the guys?” you ask, looking up to see he’s watching the people outside the diner.
“They’re busy. Chan and Seungkwan were supposed to come with me here but they were finishing some work, so here I am,” he answered.
Silence fills the table.
“You’re such a slow reader,” Jeonghan suddenly remarked.
“Excuse me?” You say, taken aback by the fact that he’s watching you and even told you that.
“You’ve been reading that book months ago... Well, as far as I can remember,” he explained.
“Ah, I’ve finished this a lot of times already. It’s just that I like reading this from time to time," you tell him, slowly being a geek in front of him. "I love the plot a lot. I can’t help myself but re-read."
“So, that’s your new favorite nowadays, huh.”
You had to stop reading to process what he said.
So he remembers my old favorite book, then? I didn’t know he noticed such.
You just give him a smile.
“But I didn’t know you changed your hair color,” you bring up.
“Ah, I don’t know. I just felt like I had to,” Jeonghan explained.
The atmosphere falls quiet again, and as usual, your thoughts become the traitors they always were. You’re already thinking that maybe, just maybe, he changed his hair color because of you.
As if.
“Blonde suits you though," you tell him.
You were hoping it doesn’t add up to his ego. But of course, it’s Jeonghan so you had “every hair color suits me” as a reply.
You both laugh it off, and you picture both of you in your head...thinking this was just another one of your diner dates.
Oh, how nice would it be to be able to turn back time.
The thought leaves a pang in your chest for you truly know you can't. You want the sense of ease around him to end because you don't want the feeling to linger just to send your mind thinking of all the things you used to do; just to send your heart feeling like it was the first time you met him.
The laughter dies slowly and here you are again—just two exes who ran into each other one sunny day.
“But seriously, it does suit you,” you repeat, trying to keep yourself off of your traitor mind.
He just smiles from across the table. And of course, nothing has changed, his was one of the brightest smiles you’ve seen.
You thought the happy, comfortable atmosphere would carry on, but then his order comes and he stands up, ready to leave.
“Um, I wish I could still talk to you, but I gotta go,” Jeonghan bids.
“Oh, it’s fine. I guess I’ll have to see you around then?” You tell him.
“Of course.”
You immediately focused on your book, trying not to think about him, but really, you feel like you could've spent a much longer time with him.
You thought he already walked away but he comes back to your table, which startled you a bit.
“I’m glad you have a new favorite book,” Jeonghan says and gives you a thumbs up.
You smile, not knowing what to tell him. You wanted to make a joke or something, just to ease the heavy feeling on your chest but you couldn't.
"I'll miss you," Jeonghan blurts out, and walks away.
And the feeling on your chest never leaves, it grows heavier and lingers instead.
joshua
on track: parallel universe - clara benin
“Tell her I can’t go.”
You sat in your friend’s bed while she was talking on the phone with your sister.
“She asked why!” your friend mouthed.
“Tell her I got sent to do paper works for the org at school today,” you say, an excuse for your sister who’s already looking for you on her day.
But of course, that isn’t true. Of course, you’re still attending your sister’s mini birthday celebration. You just wanted to make her day more fun by surprising her later.
The call ended and you had to leave your friend’s house to find something for your sis.
You drove to this vintage instrument store that you’ve been talking about with your sibling for a long time ago. She’s been eyeing an old guitar but unfortunately, she never had a chance to buy because of work and some other matters she's taking care of, so you saved up for her birthday.
As you entered the store, you immediately hear an old song playing as the lady by the counter greeted you.
“Um, hello, good afternoon,” you greeted back.
You approach her and point at the guitar on the wooden shelf behind her. "That is still for sale, right?"
“This one?” the lady asked, walking towards the wall where the guitar's hanging.
“Yup,” you say and smile, already clutching your bag, ready to get your wallet.
"Let me check." The cashier pulls out a notebook from her desk and flipped through pages.
“Sorry, miss,” she starts. “We’d really like for you to have the item, but it’s already reserved.”
She then showed a page from the notebook and pointed at a date and a name written on it.
Joshua Hong.
Upon seeing his name, the slight annoyance of finding out that someone already reserved it brushed off. You know the guitar would be in much better hands, so you just said your thanks to the lady and bid goodbye.
You sigh, thinking that you’ve failed getting your sister a present.
Sitting at the pavement, you can’t help but think of the coincidence that Joshua reserved that very guitar you’re supposed to buy.
Also it’s been a while since you’ve seen or heard his name, and you kinda miss the guy.
“I don’t understand why you two broke up.”
The voices of your friends echo in your head.
They may not know it or understand why, but it was a mutual decision for the both of you. His work was taking too much of his time for your relationship, and you’ve been travelling for your family, too. So both of you decided to stop because it’s never gonna work out.
--
“So, I guess this is it.”
You looked up to see his face, but he was looking down, playing with his hands.
Seeing him like this, without his warm smile, breaks your heart even more. How could you both end up like this? You both didn’t deserve this.
His beautiful heart doesn’t deserve this.
“I…” you trail. “I hate to do this, to be honest.”
He looks up to you and gives you a sad smile, telling you that it’s the same for him.
“But this is the only choice left for us,” he say bravely, you believe.
His eyebrows slightly meet which you can tell was a sign of him trying not to break down.
You’re already in tears upon seeing him trying to be strong in front of you.
“Hey,” he holds your hand. “Hey, shh. This is an absurd thing to ask but please, don’t cry.”
You move your head to see him, his eyes getting watery.
Joshua wipes away your tears and says, “We’ll try, some other time. But for now, it’s best for us to leave.”
--
You shake your head trying to erase that memory. But of course, you couldn’t. That was the most heartbreaking thing that happened to you.
You felt your phone vibrated in your pocket, which took your mind away from that thought. It was a message from your friend that she has already arrived at your sister’s birthday.
You got back on your car, and drove to the church you went to with your friend this morning.
There were no people when you arrived, which somehow relieved you. You sat on one of the benches and breathed the fresh air while you admired the beauty of the church inside.
You close you eyes and started to pray for your sister when suddenly you hear someone playing the church’s piano. You still continue, not bothered by the piece being played.
As soon as you said your prayers, you stood up and was supposed to walk towards the exit when someone called you.
You turned around and saw Joshua standing by the aisle.
“Hi,” you greeted.
“How…how are you?” he asks, starting to walk towards you.
“I’m good...” you trail, not sure whether you'll state the obvious; that you're about to leave.
He just nodded.
“Were you the one playing the piano earlier?” you ask him.
“Oh, that. Uh, yes. It’s been a while since I last played. I’m glad I had the time to visit today,” Joshua replied, fumbling with his pockets.
“I’m happy you did.”
It was kinda awkward, but comfortable. It really has been a while you had him around.
“It’s my sister’s birthday, so I visited and prayed for her,” you add.
Joshua just nods again.
“Joshua,” you say. It feels weird having said his name just now. “I’m…gonna go now. It’s nice seeing you today.”
“Oh, uh, keep safe on your way back,” he tells you.
You both smile to each other and that was your cue to exit the church.
You hopped on your car with another message. But this time, it was from your sister.
From: Sis :)
IM SCREAMING JOSHUA IS AN ANGEL A DELIVERY CAME JUST NOW AND AND AND THE GUITAR !!!!!! JOSHUA GOT ME THE GUITAR WEVE BEEN TALKING FOR AGES WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?????!!!!!11!!!!!11!!1!!!?!
You stopped for a few minutes when you hear someone knocking your car’s window.
“You forgot your handkerchief, I think. If this is yours,” he tells you as soon as you opened the door.
You look at the piece of cloth in his hand, which made you think you just had a déjà vu. You awkwardly laugh because of the memory you remembered and because you were still in shock that the guitar you were supposed to buy for your sister was what he reserved and gave you your sister.
Joshua was sort of confused why you laughed but then laughed too when he understood why.
“Funny one. Seems like the first time we met,” he muttered, acknowledging that what he just did was exactly how you both spoke to each other for the first time.
“Thanks for getting my sister a guitar,” you tell him, slightly diverting the topic.
“Oh, she already received it? That was fast. I called the store just minutes ago when I arrived here,” Joshua retells nonchalantly.
You just nod at him.
“Your sister and I were talking about it a few years back. Seemed like she really liked it. Took a while for me to buy it, but I’m glad she received it on her special day,” he continued. “Oh, I almost forgot, tell her I said hi.”
“Sure,” you tell him.
“Keep safe,” he reminded.
“You too, Josh.”
junhui
on track: love like this (acoustic) - kodaline
“Hello…” you type at the message box and quickly erased it as you see your cousin enter the car.
“Oh, don’t hide it from me,” she says, sitting next to you, eyeing your phone.
“What?” you ask innocently.
“You’re hesitating to text the guy.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Go on, deny,” your cousin says.
You sigh in surrender and just looked outside through the car’s window.
“You look like you’re in a sad music video, stop it,” she tells with a judging look.
“You can stop annoying me, you know that, right?” you say to her.
Staring at your newly-bought shoes you’re wearing, you heave a deep sigh once more, thinking you could’ve declined your mom’s friend’s invitation to this fashion show you’re going to.
“Is he gonna be there?” your cousin asked.
“I…don’t know.”
It’s only been three days since the breakup and of course, moving on isn’t that fast. And going to this event makes it a lot worse.
As you arrive at this museum where the fashion show would take place, you were greeted by different personalities—from politicians to celebrities.
Everyone started settling in their seats, as your cousin was pulling you in the front row with her. After a few minutes, light shone on the catwalk and music started playing.
Models started strutting with these designer clothes…but that wasn’t where your mind is at the moment.
You were carefully staring at the models’ faces, to see if it was Jun. But silently, you were kinda hoping he wouldn’t walk the runway although that was impossible knowing he’s been getting a lot of calls from different designers these days.
…well, the last time you’ve been with him.
The show was about to finish so you sigh in relief, assuming he’s not gonna walk.
You were playing with your phone when your cousin nudged. You looked up…and there he was.
Wen Junhui, looking better than ever.
A few seconds after his walk, all the models strutted once more followed by the designer you’ve been introduced to moments ago.
The fashion show passed by quickly and you saw some of the models starting to exit the backstage. You were waiting for him to get out of there, so that you could talk to him.
It might seem ridiculous to think of talking to him again when you’ve broken up days ago, but you…just wanted to talk to him; how he’s been and stuff.
Jun walked down the backstage with a phone in his hand. You approach him immediately and coughed.
“Hey,” you greeted.
He just looked at you and offered a small smile.
“Uh…” you start, but you see Mingyu approaching.
“Hello!” he greets you with a polite smile. “I’m sorry for cutting you off but I’m gonna need Jun for a sec,” Mingyu continues and grabs the guy away.
You’re about to exit the place when your mom’s friend suddenly came up to you.
“I’m glad to see you here, dear,” she says.
You nod and offer a response you’ve been used to reply with talking to these people.
“I hope you enjoyed the show,” she tells you.
“It’s amazing, and from what I observed, there’s a lot of models who walked compared to the events from the past month,” you answer, as you see Jun walking towards where you are.
Your mom’s friend sees him, too and Jun greets her with a bow.
“I don’t know if you have met before, but this is Junhui,” she introduces. “He’s new but he’s getting a lot of projects, I hope we see more of him on the next shows.”
“Hi,” you say, pretending it was the first time you have met.
Jun lays out his hand for handshake and you return the offer.
The slight touch of both of your hands felt like it was the first time you held his, and it’s making you hurt more, knowing you can’t hold it like you did before.
“You should stop being emotional,” your inner self whispered.
“Someone’s calling me, I’m just gonna take this,” your mom’s friend tells you both as she answers a phone call. “I’m gonna leave the two of you here for a minute. Excuse me.”
And…she walks away like the busy person she always was.
You look at Jun and you just see him with his head shook down. This wasn’t it’s supposed to be.
It feels different not having Jun being himself around you. People may see him as shy and quiet but he isn’t when he’s with people he’s really close with.
It’s only been three days, but look at how everything’s changed already.
You’re about to break the ice when some announcement boomed through the speakers, telling there’s an after-party at a nearby high-end bar.
You’ve already planned of asking him to go with you to the party, but Minghao barges in and puts an arm around your shoulder saying “I’ll give you a lift, I’m heading to the party, too.”
Hao looks at you and you just glare at him back for ruining the chance to talk with Jun again.
Junhui just exited as if you weren’t there, while Minghao guides you to the parking lot.
“Ah, this person really,” you hear him say as you entered the car.
“Were you really planning to ask him to go to the party?” he asks.
“I…just wanted to talk. Is that too much to ask for?” you tell him.
He sighs as he started the engine and started driving. “I shouldn’t be saying this but didn’t you just broke up a few days ago?”
“But…” you trail and sighed instead of trying to explain yourself.
You were kinda expecting for Minghao, being the protective brother he acts like he is, to tell you that you shouldn’t do that but instead he asked. “Why did you break up so sudden though?”
“I know he might be distant at times, but the past few days…it was kinda unusual for him to be like that,” you explain, as you turn on the radio.
A slow song plays and you sigh for how it reminds you of Junhui.
“I’m pretty sure he has reasons for doing that,” Hao says in Jun’s defense.
“I don’t know, I guess I grew tired of him acting like that,” you tell him. “But…ah. I don’t know.”
He just nods at you, giving you the space you need.
“Is there…somebody else?” you ask out of curiosity. Who knows maybe there really was a third party to blame this for.
It was the question you’ve been avoiding to ask but you can’t help it. And you think maybe Minghao wouldn’t mind, with all the problems you’ve told him.
“Do you really think Jun would be that kind of person?” he asks, turning his eyes on you.
You shook your head, feeling embarrassed for thinking that way. “I didn’t mean it that way, but if there was, then he should’ve told me sooner.”
He scoffs in unbelief. "Of course, there wasn’t,” hao assures you as he parked the car, a few meters away from the bar.
--
Entering the bar, minghao went straight to the counter while you just headed straight to an empty couch by a corner.
As much as you feel so down right now, you just don’t feel like resorting to drinking too much.
You watch all of these personalities from a far, having the time of their lives and talking about business and shit.
You see someone approaching you, and you recognize it was Vernon. He acknowledges you by raising his brows, and hands you the other glass of drink in his hand.
“I didn't expect you as someone who just stays in a corner at parties,” he said as soon as he sat beside you.
“I just wasn’t in the mood tonight,” you reply.
“We all know it’s been difficult for you these days, but I think you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself,” he advised.
You just nodded and drank the liquor Vernon offered, while watching Jun interact with all these people.
Mingyu pushes him playfully and Jun acts as if he’s gonna punch him, but laughs it off.
You thought you were the only one watching, but you hear Vernon laugh too. It was just a few seconds and he tunes his laughter down, clearing his throat.
“Just so you know, he might act like he doesn’t care nowadays and might act like he’s having fun but…” he trails and looks at you, then looks back to where Jun was.
“…it wasn’t easy for him as well. He lost someone who he’s comfortable with. The one who he trusts most of himself isn’t there for him anymore.”
You watch Wen Junhui from afar, wishing he’d somehow give a glance or time to talk to you.
His eyes suddenly turn to you and gives a smile, as if both of you weren’t hurting.
It's maybe because he’s drunk already, but you don’t care. Who knows…that might be the last time you’d see him smile at you.
soonyoung
on track: stargazing (kygo cover) - isabella celander
“Where are we going, really?” you asked your friend for the nth time, sitting uncomfortably by the passenger seat.
And for the nth time, your friend kept silent the whole ride. When you reached the destination, you stopped for a while, after realizing where you were.
You’re in front of dance studio, an hour away from the city proper.
“Why’d you brought me here?” you asked as you absentmindedly go through the stuff on the small bag you brought along.
“A family friend sent out an invitation. It’d be a shame if I refuse to attend,” he explained.
You both enter the studio and you rushed sitting at the back, knowing you’re just gonna watch the whole class.
Or so you thought.
The choreographer, which you assumed was the family friend your friend was talking about, suddenly entered and said that everyone should participate. You tried hiding at the back of the studio but one of the assistants pulled you and let you stand with the others at the last row.
You glare to your friend, who just smiled apologetically.
“Everyone, today’s not just our usual dance class, but it’s gonna be a special one,” the choreographer announces from the front.
The students gasp in unison and try to guess, whispering to one another.
You look to your friend as if you were asking if he has a guess, but he just shrugged while stretching and warming up on his own.
“Today’s class would be special because we have a special visitor! And he’s gonna be your instructor for the day,” the choreographer added.
You were facing the mirror at the back and you see someone new enter the room from the front. Your heart almost dropped just by the sight of him.
“Soon—“ you hear your friend gasp quietly by the side. You see him glance at you, and you look at him.
“I didn’t know he was the special instructor, I swear,” he says.
“I know you don’t. I’m pretty sure if you knew, you wouldn’t have brought me here in the first place,” you tell him, your head facing the ground.
For some reason, you were kinda relieved for the fact that Soonyoung didn’t notice you. What can you say? This class was about 40-50 students, and the room was a bit small.
“I’m sorry,” your friend apologized once more and you just brushed it off with your usual smile.
“Don’t fake smile at me,” he says. “If you do want to leave, just tell me and we’ll blast outta here.”
“No seriously, I’m cool. It's fine,” you assure.
It's fine.
What a fucking lie.
--
The whole class started warming up, and of course, Hoshi started teaching basic steps for this song he picked.
The teaching went on for about half an hour, until he told everyone to take a break for a few minutes.
You watch him talk to the choreographer with a smiling face, defining his eyes more.
10:10.
“I noticed you always close your eyes when the clock strikes at 10:10…” he said one night you were both hanging out at a park, both with soda cans in hand.
“My wishes seem to be granted at this time rather than the usual 11:11 thingy,” you told him.
“Really?” he asked in astonishment.
“I don’t know… As I observed with the little wishes I made for the past months.”
“What did you wish for this time though?”
“You’re gonna laugh at me.”
He laughed by the way you suddenly felt embarrassed. “I won’t.”
“But you already did before I could,” you tell him, a pout showing.
“No, promise, I won’t.”
“Okay...” you paused for a second, hesitating if you really had to tell him.
“But this is a different wish from the ones I had before,” you explained while looking at your feet dangling by this small bridge you’re both sitting on.
“Okay, so what is it?” he asked.
“Thought I could risk wishing this… It’s really a big wish, to be honest, unlike those simple stuff I usually wish for.”
“Just tell me, I won’t laugh at you.”
“I wished…” you trail. “…that we’d never leave each other.”
You expected a cringe or a small laugh but instead he smiled and hugged you and kissed your forehead.
And right now, you’re wishing you could’ve taken that back.
Wishing you shouldn’t have risked your relationship for that wish.
--
The class went back to practicing when Soonyoung told everyone to practice on their own while he roams around the studio.
He stops at the back when he saw you.
“Hi,” he greets.
“Hey,” you greet back, stopping from dancing.
“I didn’t know you’re taking dance classes now,” Hoshi says.
He has always invited you to his dance practices before, also to dance with his clique but you always refuse.
“My friend got invited, and he dragged me so…I’m here now,” you try to explain, as you point to your friend.
Soonyoung just nods and at the back of your mind, you wanted to ask him if he’s proud of you now that you’ve brought yourself at an actual dance studio.
But of course, you stopped yourself. That’d be so random and weird and humiliating.
You watch him walk back to the front and teach a new set of steps to complete the whole choreo.
The choreographer walks by your row and points at you. “They're kinda struggling, help that person out, Hoshi.”
You weren’t really ashamed because you know you didn’t really have that much talent on dancing, but you swore and want to be eaten up by the ground when the instructor really needed to call Soonyoung, when he can just correct you instead.
What do you want from me, universe?
Hoshi tells everyone to keep practicing, and approaches you. The choreographer tells him some moves you weren’t really getting and left.
What the actual heck, man.
“Can you turn around again, then do the small kick?” he asks you, in his instructor mode.
Dang, if he was like this on dance practices, I would’ve gone every time he invited me.
You wanted to slap yourself by that thought but you just did what you were told to.
“You’re kinda stiff,” he tells you. “You have to relax so you don’t struggle.” Hoshi then pats your shoulders.
“Loosen up,” he tells you with a smile, and jumps with his arms flailing. You both laugh by what he did.
i miss being around him.
You were already being at ease around Soonyoung when your friend suddenly calls you out.
"Hey, there's an emergency at home..." he tells you. "I might leave as soon as the practice finishes."
"Oh, okay," you just nod at him, a little bit disappointed you're not gonna be able to spend more time with Soonyoung.
The class takes yet again another break before the last part of the practice, so you and Hoshi sit at the back of the room.
"How have you been?" he starts. It was so natural of him to ask, it was as if there wasn't any awkwardness going around because of the fact that you're exes.
"not so fine," you admit. "but i'm quite holding up with how life has been treating me."
Soonyoung nods and grabs his bottle of water and drinks from it.
"not to be random or anything, i remembered you last night," he tells you, and turns to you.
hearing him say that made you look at him quickly though you shouldn't have. and there's some emotion in his face that you couldn't quite pinpoint, but you know it pierced through your heart.
"why?" you asked him as you look down back to the floor.
"i went out to do some errands with wonwoo last night and we passed by the place where we used to hang around..." Soonyoung retells.
"the park," you recall in your head.
you can see the last time you saw each other at that place. you were both crying and he couldn't just leave. so you left him there because you couldn't take how much pain you're feeling to see him so hurt and there's so much you're already feeling so you left. even if he was already begging you to stay for a bit.
"weirdly, i should've remembered the last time we saw each other, but i didn't," Soonyoung confessed. "i remembered that time you told me something about your wishes instead. and i'm honestly glad that memory came around."
"well, that's a better memory than..." you trailed, not knowing what to call the last time you saw each other.
"true," he agrees, and gives off a smile that seemed so genuine.
you can see he's much happier now. and you're really happy about it. you're happy for him.
you're still hoping for the same for yourself, though.
wonwoo
on track: ending scene - iu
“OH MY GOD, WHO LEFT THE BOOKS ON THE FLOOR?!”
You were suddenly startled by your blockmate shouting about the matters he's concerned about at hand, but after realizing what he just did, you laugh at yourself... reminded of something.
Someone.
“Why the heck are you laughing?” your blockmate asks you, annoyed. “You left the books on the floor, didn’t you?”
“Oh, god. No, we have the same feelings for books,” you explain, still trying to muffle your laugh.
Your friend suddenly approaches you and nudges you. “Are you out of your mind? Why are you laughing at him?”
“Ah, don’t mind me,” you brush her off as you continue writing the draft for your thesis. The three of you are staying over at your friend’s house so that it’s much easier to discuss your project and other school stuff you’ve all been working on.
“Hey…” your friend calls you out again.
You just respond by raising your brows at her while you write.
“You were reminded of someone who’d react the same way over books, weren’t you?”
Instead of denying, you tell her the truth. “See, it’s hard not to be reminded of him, especially when it comes to books. Speaking of, I wonder where that dude is right now.”
“It’s been a year, right?” your friend asks. You just nodded in reply.
Memories with Wonwoo are the ones you’d really keep and never forget. He might seem like a really quiet and closed-off person but, but when both of you are together, there was nothing but fussing over books and other intellectual stuff everytime.
Don’t forget the dorky stuff, too.
You smile at the thought.
The only memory you’d like to forget is the breakup. You really didn’t know if it ended well, but to yourself, you guessed maybe it was fine after all.
Your blockmate then barges in the conversation and diverts the topic to the research they're doing. “Are you already done with the draft?” he asked.
“To be honest, no. There’s this data that I still need and I’ve been searching for it at the school library and looked it up on our materials, but I can’t seem to find it,” you explain. “I guess the last resort is the city library, I hope I could find it so that I can finish writing already.”
“Isn’t it okay if we just left it out?” your friend suggests.
“It’s pretty essential for the defense so I guess we need to put it on the write-ups,” you tell her.
“Anyway, I’m going there now. Do you need anything? Coffee? I could stop by the café after researching at the library.”
Both of them asked for coffee and off you went. You took the train since it’s much faster and it stops right in front of the area.
As you enter the spacious library, you immediately approach the librarian by the front desk, showing the title of the book typed in your notes.
“You just go straight ahead, then after five stacks, you turn right. That’s where you’d find that,” she gives directions while pointing at the row of bookshelves and tables.
You proceeded and after a few minutes of going through the shelves, you finally found the book. You then search for a seat and immediately look up the information.
Good thing, you brought a small notebook to write some of the important details you need, while you take pictures of the pages of the demographics and statistics that could help.
You stop flipping through the pages for a while, and look up only to see the great geek you know—Jeon Wonwoo.
He’s sitting at the table across you and that’s when it hit you. It still hurts.
You thought you were ready to face him after all those months, but maybe it wasn’t enough…yet. Maybe you need more time. Or maybe you never would be able to face him.
You were about to look away, but it was too late because Wonwoo caught your eye and smiled instantly.
You almost died when he waved his hand, too!
Wanting to escape the library as fast as you could, you just nod at him in response with a small smile and tried to stay focused on your notes.
At least you tried.
“But you failed,” you say, arguing with yourself.
“Why did he smile?! That’s fucking unnecessary.” It kills you every time especially knowing that Wonwoo rarely smiles, but he did.
He smiled at you.
You were screaming inside but of course you had to act naturally, in case he was watching you. After taking notes, you brought the books back to their respective shelves.
Fumbling with your pockets while walking towards the librarian counter, you realized you’re phone isn’t with you, so you walk back to your table.
You see your phone was still there, but what suprised you is that Jeon Wonwoo was now sitting next to the seat you took a while ago.
He was busy reading so you didn’t bother to say hi again or bid goodbye; you just retrieved your phone and walked back to the librarian to get your I.D.
Wonwoo comes up next to you, handing the librarian the book he read, and you notice it’s a fictional book.
You can’t help but ask something and so you did. “What’s your favorite quote from the book?”
Wonwoo always has a favorite quote or passage from books he has read, so you just had to ask him, since it’s been a while as well.
He pauses for a while, as if he was hesitating to answer.
After a few seconds he says, “I don’t have any.”
You find that very unusual of him, and you feel suddenly ashamed of asking.
“Maybe he’s changed,” you tell to yourself.
The librarian was taking too long to give back your i.d. so it was getting awkward having Wonwoo just beside you.
“I don’t have any favorite quote from that book, because I loved every word in there. It’s well-written and I can’t help but appreciate the book as a whole,” he blurts out all of a sudden.
You stare at him, as your memories take you back to that one time both of you argued about having a favorite line and not appreciating the whole story of the novel.
“Someone told me to appreciate it as a whole, rather than picking a single line—forgetting the plot when it’s how a character made that line striking to the readers,” he adds, maybe thinking you weren’t satisfied with his answer.
"Wonwoo, I can't just have a favorite quote!" you whined that random day. "I mean sure, sometimes one line can move you. But a character won't be able to say that or the author won't be able to put it that way without the whole story behind it? Do you even get me?"
Sometimes, you wish that was the reason you broke up. The argument makes your heart flutter and ache at the same time.
You blink back your tears as you hear him tell you the reason.
“Thank you for that, Y/N,” Wonwoo says as he receives his i.d.
The librarian hands you yours too and Wonwoo speaks again. “I hope I could see you more often around here.”
He bids goodbye with a smile and walks away, while you find yourself crying as he exits both of your favorite place.
jihoon
on track: yo - suran ft. swings
Sipping your hot drink quietly, you see the man in front of you laughs to himself.
“Ya! Why are you laughing? Is there something funny?” you asked Minghao.
“Nothing, I just remembered Jun telling me something earlier,” he replied with his small fairy laugh.
You just looked at him and nodded, continuing to drink your beverage. It’s been a nice day today—hanging out with Minghao at a café out of boredom. The other guys could’ve went too but they were busy with something else. Seungcheol said he’ll try to come and catch up too, since the dude misses you around, especially now that...you and Jihoon decided to part ways.
The three of you were kinda inseparable ever since you first met them. They’d be there when there were nights you can’t sleep and you just want to grab food outside, or sometimes you’d hang around their studio, just making silly beats or recording covers, depending on your mood.
You suddenly feel Minghao kick your knee under the table.
“What?” you ask.
“You’ve been unusually quiet… It’s weird. Something to share?”
“I just miss being with…friends,” you tell him.
Your answer makes Minghao’s eyebrow lift in curiosity. “Who specifically?” he queries.
“C’mon now, Hao. You know who I’m with most of the time.”
“They miss you too, I’m sure,” he assures you, chuckling to himself.
Minghao leans to the table and gives your hair a ruffle, grinning. “You should pay us a visit!”
“I don’t know,” you answer him, unsure if you should because of some…circumstances. “It’s gonna be awkward, you know? I kinda wish it was the same—the old times. Hanging around, chilling and stuff.”
He notices the topic puts you in a sad mood, so he just brought up about his interest in art and learning English with Hansol and Joshua.
After a long talk, Minghao says goodbye. “I’m gonna go now.”
“You should drag Junhui with you the next time we hang out! I miss that dork,” you remind him.
“Sure! I’ll get going now. Still gonna run some errands.” He stands up from his seat, and you do the same.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Cheol is on his way already to pick you up.”
“Oh, okay,” you say, nodding at him. “Be safe on your way!”
You wait for a little more on the café, making you think of the stuff that you’ve been doing for the past weeks—taking a small break from university and just spending time alone. Friends you’ve been meeting every week are okay with it, as long as you don’t lose yourself on the process.
“Too much rest isn’t going to help you either,” Jeonghan said, through a text message one night a few days ago. Among the boys, he’s the most random one to check up on you, especially now that you’ve rarely hung out with them.
Sighing because of the random wave of thoughts, you stood up from your seat, deciding to wait for Seungcheol outside.
A few minutes later, you see a car pulling up at the front of the shop. You crouch a little to see who it was; squinting your eyes, looking closely through the tinted windows.
You see your closest friend, grinning widely as he used to. The car stops, and the guy steps out. He calls out your name, and runs towards you.
What a kid.
You both crash into a tight hug. “Wow, someone really missed me,” you tell, slightly out of breath.
“Someone misses you,” he says.
“And that’s you, right?”
Seungcheol was about to shake his head in disagreement but he laughs instead.
What’s that supposed to mean?
You both hop on his car, and started talking through out the ride back home.
“You seem really upbeat today,” you tell him as you have observed him the first second you saw him today.
He brushes it off as if it was nothing, but you wonder what’s keeping him happy these days.
“How are you?” Seungcheol asks, diverting the topic.
“Me? I’m fine…”
“Really? You’re fine…now?” he reassures.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. Though constant communication isn’t really the key to friendship, and I know we’re both busy, we haven’t really talked for a while now since then,” he shares, emphasizing the word.
Rolling your eyes, you tell him, “Come on, Cheol. You really worry about me when all the time I hang out with you, you annoy me.”
He just laughs in the driver’s seat.
You suddenly look out the windows and notice a familiar route he’s taking, not back to your pad, but to their company.
“Where the hell are we going?” you ask even though you know where both of you are going.
“I heard from Jeonghan that you took a break from studies, and I’m pretty sure you have no good thing to do today, so might as well we go to the company and hang out with us,” he shares, as if you would let him to do that.
“Why the heck are we going to the company? I’d rather watch TV series and sleep. Cheol, I thought you're just gonna drive me back home.”
Seungcheol scratches his head. “We’ve been slacking off for a few days and we need to keep doing work but we’re kinda out of ideas and…” he trails.
“And?”
You wait for him to continue his sentence and he lets out a sigh. “…we were kinda hoping you could help us. You know, just like the old times.”
The old times. Huh.
It's as if it was years ago, but really it was just months ago. Not that you're exaggerating it, it already feels like decades had passed.
“You really expect it to be that easy to show up back there, huh? You know it can’t be like that anymore, Cheol,” you tell him, a slight rise in your tone of speaking. Not that you were angry, but of all people, he should know what you’re gonna feel since he’s your friend.
“Just keep it civilized,” Cheol says as if it’s the easiest thing to do in the world.
You glare at him jokingly.
“Besides, it’s about time you hang out again with us,” he adds.
“I’m so close to punching you, Seungcheol. If only you weren’t driving!”
He laughs at you instead, which is really annoying.
“I’ll make sure to tell Jeonghan this,” you threatened.
“I really don’t wanna do this although the guys miss you so much but…Jeonghan made me do this,” Cheol confessed.
“That bitch.”
You both laugh instead; you, knowing there’s no way out.
As soon as you arrived, you step out of the car, the chilly air welcoming you.
You both enter the building, your hands getting sweaty hiding in your jacket’s pockets. Nervous? Maybe.
“I miss the studio too,” you mutter.
“That’s the only thing you miss?” Seungcheol asks.
You smile at him sadly.
He takes the stairs instead of the elevator and as walking upstairs, you ask him. “Is this okay for Jihoon though?”
You suddenly feel weird and comfortable as you blurted out his name.
“He seems fine by it,” Cheol answers.
You just nod at him in return.
“Besides, it’s been a few months now, isn’t it?” You both reach the door of the studio. He opens it and almost everyone welcome you with hugs—Soonyoung, Seokmin, Hansol and Jeonghan.
Seungkwan does the same and tells you he misses chatting with you.
You just offer them smiles and exchanged I miss you’s.
Turning to the corner of the room is the only guy you haven’t greeted yet.
“Ji,” you call him out. You hold your breath, thinking if he’ll just act like he didn’t hear you.
He just nods and gives you a soft smile. A sigh of relief escapes from your mouth.
After catching up with the other boys, Jeonghan invites everyone to eat outside. You were about to come with them, but…
“Han,” Cheol calls. “I guess the three of us are just gonna stay here, working on some songs.”
Jeonghan just nods in return and leaves with the boys.
You have no choice, but stay.
“So can I hear what you guys have been making?” you ask, trying to break the ice.
“Sure,” Jihoon says and browses something on his laptop.
“Hansol added a few instrumentals last night, but we still can’t seem to go from there,” he shares while the music was playing.
“Why didn’t you guys play with some beats for a while?” you ask them, thinking that way it could help them with the ideas.
Cheol and Jihoon looks at each other.
“It always just happens when you’re around,” Jihoon says, almost a whisper.
“Plus it just happens naturally… You know, some kind of jamming,” Seungcheol adds.
“You guys are just being sappy since I’m around now.” You roll your eyes while you tell them with a laugh.
“Ah, this person,” Jihoon mutters.
The other guy excuses himself to go get food for the three of you, which makes you anxious because that meant leaving you alone with Jihoon.
The studio grew silent now that Cheol has gone, and for some reason, you didn’t feel awkward. Maybe because Jihoon’s interaction with you doesn’t feel different from before.
Way back when you weren’t a thing. Way back when nothing fell apart. Way back when you were just simply friends.
“Okay, you gotta stop thinking about those things now,” you tell yourself mentally.
Jihoon still hasn’t spoken since Cheol left, busy on his music. His eyes squint, rewinding a certain instrumental.
Why the fuck is he so cute?
Before you get caught off guard, you stop yourself from watching him by taking a close look at the bookshelf beside his table.
Upon observing, his CD collection grew and vinyls have been added, stacked with some photo albums.
“You collect vinyls now?”
“Those are Hansol’s,” he answered, eyes still focused on the monitor in front of him. “He didn’t have much space in his room so he asked if he could keep those here. Besides, it’s more safe in the studio.”
You move to the next shelf where you could see some music-related books, also spotting that one Mingyu asked you to buy him. Some miniatures are placed there too.
Seems like someone’s collecting.
You then spot a picture frame. Laughing, you called him. "Ji, I didn't know you still kept this picture."
“Why do you still have this? We look so awful here.” you ask, raising the thing in your hand. “I can't believe Cheol let you keep this. Him trying to be cute before looks so ugly.”
He doesn’t answer and you guess he’s just too immersed in his work.
You put the frame back to where it belongs and decided to wait for the food Cheol said he’s going to buy. You were about to sit back on the couch when Jihoon spoke.
“You got my favorite pic of the three of us, and I don't have anything from before that actually have a decent image of us except that one, so...”
You suddenly wished you just minded your own business and waited for Seungcheol in silence.
The photo is a shot of you, Jihoon and Cheol, it’s the first picture of you three together—the first time you hung out with them in the studio. Cheol was trying to pout; your eyes were closed but grinning widely; and Jihoon, his face evident that the photo was taken while he was laughing.
“This photo tells us that we can't be normal together!” you remember telling Jihoon when Cheol let you see the polaroids Minghao took.
Thinking about it, the picture just speaks so much about you and your friendship with them.
“I wish it was still the same though,” you thought to yourself.
You suddenly remember telling Cheol you’re sorry for him being caught in the middle—having his friends break their relationship apart and all those important things in between, especially the connection between the three of you.
“Nah, it’s okay,” Seungcheol told you that day. “You can never force something to work out, right?”
You just miss being friends, hanging out late at night; Cola in his hand, tea in yours and beer in Cheol’s. You’d either laugh with them or just simply enjoy their company in silence.
The door suddenly opens, taking you back from your reminiscing. Seungcheol enters with some take-out food. “I’m baaack!” he says in sing-song voice.
You and Jihoon laugh as the guy’s voice cracks, out of tune.
As you eat your food, the boys talk about their album concept and how it changed from their past album. It was kinda refreshing to see them again like this and hang out at this busy period of time for them.
People think it’s so stressful because they’re buried in work but no. They’re so passionate about it and how they love their fans, it’s so heartwarming to be part of something like that, and you admire them for it.
It warms you more knowing that they’re your friends.
The moon starts to show as you join their conversation about creating music, and you thought of going home.
“We’ll drive you home!” Mingyu and Seokmin offered after dinner, barging in the studio.
Because you missed their stories and it’s been a while, you accept.
You were about to step out of the studio when Jihoon stops you.
“Why?”
He hands a CD, enclosed in a case.
From Ji. was written on it.
“What’s this?” you ask.
“This is the last time I’m making you songs,” he says.
You suddenly thought about the amount of songs he’s given you from the past year, sending you butterflies in your stomach.
“Ji…”
“I was supposed to give it to you on your birthday, but didn’t have the chance to do so, so…here,” he trails off, squeezing your hands holding the CD.
You stop for a moment, trying to contain yourself.
“Thanks,” you tell him.
“No… Thank you.”
You both smile and said goodbyes. For some reason, you feel your heart finally at ease.
seokmin
on track: kathang isip - ben&ben
You thought it’s a good day today so you decided to clean up the house. Your folks being away for the weekend, it would be easier for you to do the chores.
The house is small for only the three of you so you didn’t really have a hard time cleaning up, also for the fact that they’re away a lot, being on trips and all that.
Sometimes you thought you’d do the same, but you had work and taking up short-term classes at a local university just for your personal interest.
It was a good distraction anyway with all the things you've been dealing with in relationships and just life in general.
Taking the trash out from the living room, you then proceed to your own room. There wasn’t much stuff to clean up, so you just reorganized your shelves and closet.
After hours of cleaning, you sit across your desk and stared at the newly-flipped calendar.
TWINS’ 7TH BIRTHDAY!!! was written on the first box of the month.
“I almost forgot,” you whisper, taking the small invitation on top of your laptop speakers.
You rush yourself on preparing and went out to buy presents they’d like. You don’t want to miss this special day because it’s your favorite kids in the world and they would hate it if you wouldn’t come around.
These were the children of your friend, a single mom whom you helped going through such a tough time. You helped her take care of her kids while balancing university and responsibilities back then.
It wasn’t a problem for you since you both were really close and she didn’t have anyone else aside from her family.
“They’re gonna kill me if you and Seokmin won’t go. Please show up! I feel like they see the both of you as their parents more than me. I hate you guys,” she tells you through a phone call a few days ago, reminding you to come to the small birthday party she prepared for them.
Yes, Seokmin was there too during those times you were helping your friend.
You wanted to tell her that day that you guys have broken up. But you also realized that maybe it’s for the best. The kids would also be upset knowing their favorite couple left each other.
“They just left each other and wouldn’t see each other anymore,” you remember Seokmin explained to the kids one movie night in their house, as the toddler asked about the main lead crying under the pouring rain.
He propped the little boy up in his lap as you leaned to him, whispering. “Just tell them they broke up.”
“It’s harder to explain,” he whispered back, as the kid falls slowly in a deep slumber in his arms.
The little girl, his other twin, was already sleeping on your lap. Seokmin looked at you, then broke into a soft grin.
“What?” you asked him.
“Nothing,” he brushed off.
Seokmin then leaned his head against your shoulder, fully resting his back on the couch. “I love you,” you heard him whisper.
You smiled, sneaking a look at him but he lets out a snore and your big baby has fallen asleep, too.
“I love you too,” you said back, hoping it would reach his dreams.
You drive to your friend’s house with that memory and your heart couldn’t ache more.
“You came!!! The kids would be so happy!” your friend shrieks, welcoming you into a hug.
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Where’s Seok?” she asks.
You were about to lie that he’s on his way, when he suddenly barges in and puts his arm around your waist, giving you shivers.
“I’m here,” Seokmin says.
Both of you walk along with your friend through the backyard, finding the kids among the small sea of people in the party.
They were playing, ‘til they saw you and ran to you and Seokmin, embracing you in a tight hug. “You both came today!” the little lass squeals.
“I’m so happy,” the boy remarked, sliding his hand into yours and squeezing it.
“Happy birthday, babies!” you and Seokmin chorused.
Your ears are filled with their giggles and stories, and you suddenly feel at ease, aside from the fact that Seokmin’s arm is still around your waist.
He then realizes you were tensed, so he just holds your hand, trying to keep the couple image in front of the twins.
“So, how’s it going?” your friend asks, after the kids leave and play.
“Oh, I’m fine,” you answer her first. “I’m still taking up that short course in the local college.”
Seokmin looks at you, surprised to learn that you’ve been back to university again.
“I’m…” he starts. “I got into this small company, and hopefully will release some music in the future.”
“That’s nice!” your friend says in glee. “I’m proud for the both of you.”
The conversation still continued—from work, the twins, jokes to reminiscing memories. After a few minutes, she leaves the both of you, and Seokmin lets your hand go.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” he apologizes.
“Nah, it’s okay.”
“So…it’s been a while,” Seokmin remarks.
You just smile at him as a reply.
“I didn’t know you’re taking classes again,” he says, his eyes focused to you.
Taking a gulp from your cup, you tell him that it’s a good distraction. “Also, I was just interested so might as well take it. Plus, I have a long break before work, so it’s fine,” you add.
Seokmin nods in acknowledgement.
“You… I’m happy that you’re finally making music,” you nudge him with a grin.
He smiles back. “Yes, that. Finally, hopefully it works out.”
“It will,” you assure him.
The party goes on. Whenever the kids walk by, you either held hands with Seokmin or just act couple-y. For some reason, it didn't make you felt awkward or uncomfortable.
Maybe it's just you're simply comfortable being around him. He'll always be home for you, you remember telling him before.
Perhaps, today he still is and will forever be.
The sun starts to set, and Seokmin tells that both of you should move and sit by the other adults. “Let’s go grab some drinks,” he says.
Some liquor are offered, and you wanted to drink but you had to stop yourself, you’re gonna go home alone and you don’t want to be a mess.
Seokmin rarely drinks, as you knew, and you expect him not to, but he grabs a bottle. “Do you want some? I’ll get one for you.”
“I’ll pass,” you decline.
You’re kinda glad he didn’t grab another after he finished that bottle, because you’re gonna lose your mind if he did.
He acts really silly when he drinks too much. Not that you hate it, it’s just that you knew you’re the only one who’s gonna end up taking care of him. You still care for him though. . .you just can’t bring yourself to do so, just because.
Just because you aren’t together anymore.
There’s just a part of you that aches, just by being near him.
Seokmin is the kindest person you’ve ever met and it hurts that both of you had to let go to focus on your own paths and look after yourselves more, instead of each other.
“Seok…” you call him.
He was scrolling through his phone when you do. He lifts his head up and you could see the sparkle in his eyes, the corner of his lips slightly turning up by the mention of his name.
You stare at the mole in his face then back to his crinkling eyes.
“Is it possible to fall in love again though it hurts?”
Before you could say that unconsciously and put yourself into shame, you snap yourself back to your own senses.
“We can’t just keep faking—”
Seokmin cuts you off. “I know… We should tell the twins.” You nod at him as he continues speaking. “…that they wouldn’t be seeing us together much often.”
“But I’ll still visit them from time to time,” you chime, knowing you really couldn’t live without seeing the kids. They’ve become your light, after all.
“Ditto,” he says. “Such little sunshines.”
“They felt like they’ve been part of my daily life.”
He smiles in agreement and you feel like going blind by how much light he radiates when he smiles.
You suddenly realize you miss the feeling of being around him. The comfort his presence gives you, how calm it is when he's around. You...miss everything about him. Just everything.
The kids suddenly came around and both of you looked at each other.
Bringing the kids to the gazebo, they ask what’s up. “Are you gonna give us our presents now?” the toddlers ask.
“Of course,” you say with such enthusiasm, revealing your perfectly-wrapped gifts.
Seokmin does the same, and the twins grin in glee.
“Kids, there’s something Y/N and I are gonna tell you,” he starts.
The girl covers her mouth in shock. “Are you getting married?!”
I wish, baby.
You both laugh and as you turned to Seok, you saw how his eyes turned like moons and how he's just being him today. It's been a while since you last see him like that.
For some reason, you were kinda reminded that time you both talked about the future. It was just a small conversation but both of you just wanted to know how future would look like if you're still together. Funny how both of you assumed you're gonna end up together.
You smile at the thought, thinking how talks with Seokmin are always so interesting and funny at the same time.
I miss it.
“We’re not really…” you start, holding the twins’ hands.
“…together anymore.” Seokmin continues.
“You left each other?”
Both of you nod, and the twins just stood there in silence.
You expected one of them to cry or get mad at both of you, but they just smiled.
Seokmin crouches to their level. “You’re not mad?” he asks, his hands on the boy’s shoulders.
“Why would we be?” the kid says.
“We thought you’d be sad because you wouldn’t see us together most of the time anymore.”
“It’s okay,” the girl assures. “We understood that with mom.”
“But you’re still friends, right?” they ask with curiosity in their eyes.
You and Seokmin look at each other smile. Of course we still are.
“Of course,” Seokmin tells them.
The twins envelop you both in a tight hug. “As long as you’re both happy, we’re fine!”
You both smile at them and hugs them tighter.
After that talk, you played with the kids, making you think back to the days when they were still little; still the babies you took care of during your free days.
Calling it a day, you say your goodbye to them, while Seokmin says he’s gonna hang out a while longer.
As you drive your car back to your house, you see a notification pop up in your phone.
Seok.
From: Seok.
Thanks for today. 😊
You smile at the message. Rushing back to the house before the rain pours, he sends another message.
As long as you’re happy, I’m fine.
mingyu
on track: sa hindi pag-alala - munimuni
even if we part ways, i’ll still love you. i’ll still be by your side.
“what a piece of shit,” you muttered, as you read the last sentence of this letter, randomly picked inside the shoebox you haven’t touched after a year.
you were supposed to redecorate your apartment, specifically your bedroom, having the need to change your space after a long time since you were feeling unmotivated for the past few days. but then you got upset stumbling upon this memory box you kept hidden under your bed for a long amount of time.
the letter was just one of the many ones the guy you once loved has sneaked in your locker back in high school.
mingyu, the guy you once loved.
funny how he wrote that as the last sentence in the last letter he’ll ever write you. it’s like the universe has seen it coming that your relationship would be falling apart.
the breakup a year ago went well unexpectedly. it seemed like it was just another coffee date, but sadly your last one with him.
you both agreed to still be friends after that, despite the different universities you went in. there were times that your high school batch would still hang out during weekends or free time, so you still saw him from time to time. in all honesty, it was hard to be move easily around him without having been reminded of the things you have done together—the hand holding, the random hugs…just being beside each other every time. but knowing both of you didn’t want to act so awkward, you kept it civilized.
the hangouts were frequent. many of your friends always reminded you that you’re hanging out with the batch just because you want to, and it’s a source of release after the academic stress in university. and you know that. you also need to move on with life, and to not get too attached with mingyu anymore.
it happens weekly, the catching up; just simply asking how are you and how’s the studies going. it’s like back to square one. but both of you know it’s going nowhere, and it will remain platonic.
mingyu was always there, the hangouts. ‘til all of a sudden, he rarely showed up, which you reasoned out that maybe he’s busy with his academia life. but when he does show up, he started treating you as if you weren’t there.
it hurt. a lot.
he could’ve just told you that it’s better to act that way, just a simple heads up. besides, both of you went through a lot. but he didn’t, anyway. and it’s the most painful way. you know in your heart that it’s really okay for you not to be friends because really…who gets along with their exes after breakups, right?
deep inside, you want mingyu to be this memory that you want to cherish, but since then, it changed.
he wasn’t that guy you thought he was.
“time to burn this, i guess,” you said to yourself, lifting the shoe box from your lap.
“it should’ve been last year, bitch,” your inner self answered back.
the thought made you smile for no reason. perhaps finally letting go the last pieces of memories mingyu left you after a really long year.
you were about to walk out of your room to put all these letters and memoirs to trash but your dog stands in your way, as if she’s blocking you. she looks at you with eyes, asking what you’re gonna do.
ah, the actual last reminder of mingyu, gigi.
“what’s up, baby?” you ask gigi, your pupper, and crouched.
she doesn’t bark or whine, but still stares at the box in your hand.
“c’mon now, i have to throw these stuff away,” you explain to her as you fully sit on the floor.
gigi jumps to you, making you drop the box, all the things inside it getting scattered on the floor--movie tickets, receipts, letters, and some pictures.
she goes through all those on the floor and stops when she saw this polaroid.
a photo of mingyu reading busily by your balcony.
“you miss him, don’t you?” you ask your dog right away before she gives you sad puppy eyes that makes you melt.
gigi makes a sound, as if she’s saying yes.
you smile at her sadly, now cradling her in your arms and pets her. “honestly, i do too, bub.”
starting to clean up the mess your dog made, you keep mingyu’s photo in your back pocket. you leave the shoebox in your dining table.
"gigi!” you call your pup. “let’s go out for some walk,” you tell her while putting a leash on her, then grabbing your keys and phone.
you locked the door upon stepping out into the cold weather. “thank god, I brought my jacket,” you mutter under your breath.
Walking past a few blocks made you realize you haven’t been really going out that much. There’s a new playground by the end of the street, and a new establishment being built.
“gigi, I think we should go out more,” you tell your dog. “I’ve been missing out on the world.”'
Surprisingly, it’s unusually quiet for the night. There were barely cars roaming around or children chasing each other on the sidewalk.
“psst,” you stopped walking and called out your dog. “do you wanna get out of the neighborhood for a while?”
“I’m hungry,” you added.
…and the stroll continued outside the village compound.
Unlike the streets in your neighborhood, it’s more lively outside. You see more cars driving around, stores are still lit up at this hour. It isn’t that late yet, but you only see a few people, which again you’d say is quite unusual for a day like this.
“maybe the weather,” you tell yourself.
Walking towards the nearest burger joint, you ordered a cheeseburger and a large cup of Cola. You sit outside the store, just people watching and counting the cars.
It’s too early for you to be sleepy but you know it’s been a while since you’ve been outside, so you still do count these passing vehicles as if you’re about to sleep, while propping gigi up to your lap.
“don’t you just wish it was always this peaceful?” you start talking to your dog, taking the first bite off of your burger.
Gigi just sulks in your lap as if she heard you. “I’m right, am i?” you convince her.
A few minutes later, you finished your food and with the cup of soft drink in hand, you start walking again.
“I love nights like this,” you whisper. “Peaceful, chilly, alone.”
It was peaceful ‘til you hear someone honking their car. You didn’t look back, thinking it was just someone trying to pick a fight with someone in the road.
They beep the horn again, and you were kinda annoyed because you’re having this peaceful night and this person isn’t just giving it to you.
The next thing you know, the car sped up to your walking pace so that you wouldn’t have to glare at it.
You were about to curse at the driver, but looking at him, made you halt.
He stops driving and rolls his windows down. “So it's you.”
You smile at him politely. “Hey.”
“You alone?” Mingyu asks as if it wasn’t obvious. Well, aside from the fact that you’re with your dog.
“Just walking around with Gigi, we’re walking back home though,” you tell him. “you?”
“I just grabbed dinner.”
You just nod at him. “It’s been a while since I last saw you, but it’s nice seeing you again.”
He just smiles back in response.
“I have to get going, have a good night,” you bid him good bye.
“Hey,” he calls out as soon as you started walking.
“Hmm?”
“I should probably drive you home,” Mingyu offered. “Besides, it’s gonna rain soon. You wouldn’t want to get drenched under the rain.”
You look up at the skies, cursing at it mentally. Picking up Gigi from the sidewalk, you ask Mingyu. “You sure? Don’t you have anywhere to go to?”
“Nah, it’s okay.”
Ugh, nice try, universe. He’s the last person I wanted to see today.
You opened the door to the backseat of his car, but you were welcomed with a lot of his stuff—pile of papers and some duffel bags.
“I’m sorry about that, I haven’t cleaned up yet, so I guess you’ll ride shotgun,” Mingyu apologizes.
He looked tired for some reason, upon looking at his face while closing the backseat door and moving to the front.
You wanted to ask what was wrong as a friend. But now you didn’t know if you’re still his friend after all the avoiding he did.
As you got in the car, he opens the radio and said, “Didn’t know you’d keep Gigi.”
“Of course I’d keep her, I’m not some devil who’d give her to someone else just because…” you trail realizing the next words you’ll say might make the situation more awkward.
Your dog jumps on your lap and barks at Mingyu.
“I missed you too, baby,” he tells the dog, taking it from your arms and cradling her.
His smile was a genuine one, a happy smile—something you missed seeing for a while.
You were about to get Gigi away from him so that he could start driving, but then your dog was just too clingy so you let her be.
Mingyu started driving and the car was just filled with the faint sound from the radio.
“So…how’s it going?” you ask him.
“Okay, I guess. I’m now on my apprenticeship, which was kinda difficult but I’m still managing to get through it.”
“Good for you.”
“How about you?”
“Oh me? Mmm, nothing much. I’m just staying at home most of the time, taking care of Gigi, but sometimes I try to help my parents with their business.”
He just nods as a response.
For some reason, you felt like the time was slowing down because you’re really sure that from where you were walking is just a few more walks away from the village compound.
I just wanna go home.
Mingyu suddenly calls you out.
“Hmm?”
“I also wanna say sorry,” he starts.
“For what?”
“You know what’s it for.”
You look at him, wishing he’d somehow explain. But somehow, you accepted it within you. And it’s been a long time ago. Maybe it’s just the whys in your head.
The car enters the compound.
We’re almost near.
Gigi jumps back to your lap from Mingyu’s, and both of you laugh at what she just did.
“She’s so adorable,” you both chorused, making you both laugh more.
He drives exactly in front of your house. “We’re here.”
“Thanks, Gyu,” you tell him.
“It’s nothing.”
“I have to get inside now, thank you so much for accompanying me and Gigi back home.”
Mingyu smiles. And you turn your back away from me.
“Hey!” he calls. “Just one last thing.”
You look back at him, running to open the trunk of his car…with almost all of the stuff you gave him back when you were together.
“This is really embarrassing… I’ve been actually planning to give this back to you since I don’t deserve these.”
You let out a chuckle. “Mingyu, what the heck.”
He puts out three boxes of memoirs outside his trunk and places it in your front porch.
“Do exes really need to give these kind of stuff back?” you ask. “You could’ve just thrown this away.”
He just grins, which sometimes you really don’t get what he means with.
“Hey, does this mean I should give you back Gigi?” you ask him, looking at the sleeping dog by your porch.
“You deserve her, so you keep her,” Mingyu tells you, closing the trunk of his car.
“Good bye,” he bids. “It’s been a nice night after a long while.”